During my middle school years I struggled with my self esteem and my feeling of belonging. I loved any attention I could get and if I didnt get any then I was pretty much miserable. I guess you can say that same way of thinking contuined into my high school years. Being the boy crazed girl I was (as most teenage girls are), I fell into a down spiraling relationship that would do more harm to me than any good that it could ever do for me. I was 14 when I met this one guy...we'll call him Julius*...I had no idea the type of situtions I would be putting myself into but I surely found out sooner than later. *Julius was a cool guy. He made me smile, made me laugh, he had a job, he had a car, and he was getting his education. On top of all of that, he family was strongly in the church. But what may seem great on the outside may appear to be a totally different way on the inside. Making matters worse he was older than me by a few years. At the moment age was a big deal because I “thought” I was mature enough to be talking to an older guy. Well to start off my poor decisions with this guy, the first day we kissed was also the first day I lose my virginity to him. I know many who are reading this is wondering just how long I knew this dude. I'm here to tell you that I didnt know him long enough and my main reason that we went all the way was so I could see what the hype was all about. The exact day later we became an official item(or so I thought).
As with most relationships, the first month was all you can dream of. You see no problems, you never argue, your family loves that person, and things just couldn't be any better. Unfortantely things took a turn for the worse. I cant remember how far into our relationship but the girl Kelly* (who I later find out is his second girlfriend) approached me. Kelly* and her friends came to my house giving me the third degree asking me several questions. One question asked if I was *Julius' new girlfriend. I simply didn't answer the question. I don't care if its my friendships or significant relationships, I don't want other people in my business as such. It simply cause too many problems. Her and her friends claims they only asked because Julius and his bestfriend had made a bet to see who would talk to the new girl on the block. They seemed friendly and devious all at the same time but I didn't take it too seriously. Nothing had changed in our relationship, we still talked as much as we did, we still spent tons of time together. I “thought” things would stay like this forever. Some how Kelly* became more present in our relationship. He tells me Kelly* is his ex girlfriend and she is threatening to kill herself unless he talks to her. So of course...the amount of time we talked at night decreased because he was oh so worried about the safety of his ex-girlfriend. The amount of arguments we had increased. We even went for days without talking because he was mad that I called him out his name in the mist of an argument. That should have been the sign for me but I guess I was so blinded by what I “thought” was love that I could not see anything else. Sadly the only peaceful times we had were the days that we had sex....which was quite often. But the arguments kept getting worse and worse between us. One day he was over my house and we got into some argument. I can't even remember what it was about but I guess I said something that he didn't like because he..................
TO BE CONTINUED....
*Names have been changed
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