Part 1 Continued...

I cant remember what is was that I said that he didn't like but he snatched me up hardly but my hair. I couldn't believe that someone who loved me oh so much could ever do anything like this. I remember thinking to myself what did I say that made him so angry to do cause me pain like this. Many women would have seen this as a problem and would got out of this relationship as soon as they could. However I was tightly wrapped into his little web. I was convinced I could make it work at all possible costs. I mean he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first lover...my first everything. I was in a hole that I couldn't dig myself out of. With the grace of God, the abuse didnt continue. Julius* was far too way too afraid of going to jail or getting into any type of legal problems to truly physically abuse me. He was far too smart to leave any evidence that I could tie back to him. Well after that fiasco, things got better. It seemed like our relationship was back on track. We no longer argued. I had not anything or even Kelly's* name. I couldnt be happier(or so I thought). For weeks now, he had been ranting and raving about something I was going to completely love but he was waiting to give it to me. One day the wait was over. I can't say I was completely surprised but in the back of my mind I kinda saw it happening. That day it just was no longer in my mind but in real life. He got down on one knee and proposed to me...ring and all. The ring was gorgeous and I couldnt believe this was really happening. I was completely in love so of course as young and naïve I was, I said yes. I wore that ring with happiness and love in my heart everyday. Our relationship couldnt have been better. Months of a loving and “blooming” relationship continued. He picked up a new job and the hours were starting to interfer with the time in which we would spend together. We planned a beautiful day for Valentines day but he got called into work for the night. I thought I was being a sweet girlfriend so I called his phone to leave him a special message since we couldnt spend the day together. And you will never believe what happens. A girl picked up the phone!! I was hurt to no limits. I immediately broke out into tears and hung up the phone. And the girl had the nerve to actually call me back! I didnt pick it up though. Later that day, he called me(he was off work now....or at least in this lie he was). I never told him that I called him earlier or that some girl picked up his phone. I just simply asked if he had just got off work and if he had his phone with him while he was at work. He said yes, totally oblivious to what had occurred earlier in the day. I kept it all in the back of the mind cause I knew he was lying. He just didn't know it. A couple days later, he came over. The biggest mistake a cheating male can do is leave their phone in the wide open and unattended. He was in deep slp so I took it upon myself to go through his phone. They always say if you go looking for something then you are going to surely find it. HA! I sure did. I found a picture of him kissing a girl. And not just any girl...Kelly*. My eyes instantly filled with tears looking at that. Well I wondered just how old this picture was so I pulled up the image details...and under date taken read February 14, 2005.

TO BE CONTINUED....

*Names have been changed.

Part 1

During my middle school years I struggled with my self esteem and my feeling of belonging. I loved any attention I could get and if I didnt get any then I was pretty much miserable. I guess you can say that same way of thinking contuined into my high school years. Being the boy crazed girl I was (as most teenage girls are), I fell into a down spiraling relationship that would do more harm to me than any good that it could ever do for me. I was 14 when I met this one guy...we'll call him Julius*...I had no idea the type of situtions I would be putting myself into but I surely found out sooner than later. *Julius was a cool guy. He made me smile, made me laugh, he had a job, he had a car, and he was getting his education. On top of all of that, he family was strongly in the church. But what may seem great on the outside may appear to be a totally different way on the inside. Making matters worse he was older than me by a few years. At the moment age was a big deal because I “thought” I was mature enough to be talking to an older guy. Well to start off my poor decisions with this guy, the first day we kissed was also the first day I lose my virginity to him. I know many who are reading this is wondering just how long I knew this dude. I'm here to tell you that I didnt know him long enough and my main reason that we went all the way was so I could see what the hype was all about. The exact day later we became an official item(or so I thought).

As with most relationships, the first month was all you can dream of. You see no problems, you never argue, your family loves that person, and things just couldn't be any better. Unfortantely things took a turn for the worse. I cant remember how far into our relationship but the girl Kelly* (who I later find out is his second girlfriend) approached me. Kelly* and her friends came to my house giving me the third degree asking me several questions. One question asked if I was *Julius' new girlfriend. I simply didn't answer the question. I don't care if its my friendships or significant relationships, I don't want other people in my business as such. It simply cause too many problems. Her and her friends claims they only asked because Julius and his bestfriend had made a bet to see who would talk to the new girl on the block. They seemed friendly and devious all at the same time but I didn't take it too seriously. Nothing had changed in our relationship, we still talked as much as we did, we still spent tons of time together. I “thought” things would stay like this forever. Some how Kelly* became more present in our relationship. He tells me Kelly* is his ex girlfriend and she is threatening to kill herself unless he talks to her. So of course...the amount of time we talked at night decreased because he was oh so worried about the safety of his ex-girlfriend. The amount of arguments we had increased. We even went for days without talking because he was mad that I called him out his name in the mist of an argument. That should have been the sign for me but I guess I was so blinded by what I “thought” was love that I could not see anything else. Sadly the only peaceful times we had were the days that we had sex....which was quite often. But the arguments kept getting worse and worse between us. One day he was over my house and we got into some argument. I can't even remember what it was about but I guess I said something that he didn't like because he..................

TO BE CONTINUED....

*Names have been changed

Introduction

I'm a 19 yr old college student who has been through more than you can even imagine. I've battled with self image issues, wanting to commit suicide, not knowing self worth, peer pressure, abuse and so much more. I want to share my stories with others so that some know they are not alone and so some know that there is a better outcome for it all. So I asked that you share this with family and friends because you never know just who you may be helping.

My stories will began with what i can recollect the clearest which will be my high school years up until now. Some of my stories will be deep and fully of lessons while others can be considered entertainment. So stay tuned.